When you go on a date, you know the basic behaviors to take note of: They show up late with no apology, they make inappropriate jokes, or they keep looking at their phone, to name a few examples. However, certain less-obvious signs could indicate that your date is actually a narcissist. Luckily, Alina Kastner, MSc, couples and sex therapist, and narcissistic abuse specialist, shares three red flags that you're on a date with a narcissist. Keep reading for her advice so you know what to look for.
RELATED: 5 Red Flags Your Partner is Manipulating You, Therapists Say.
1 You immediately feel like you've met your soulmate.
Kastner, who shares her advice on TikTok, says the first red flag to look out for is that you immediately feel like you've met your soulmate.
"If you feel super excited, on edge, you know, all that anxiety… that is not how you should be feeling," she explains.
You'll want to feel calm and safe with the person you're seeing, as those feelings are indicators of a healthy relationship. "You should be feeling like you've arrived at a very homey energy and not an exciting energy," Kastner adds.
2 They're love bombing you.
If your date is "complimenting you to the extreme" or saying superficial things like, "You're the one I've been waiting for" or "You're gorgeous," Kastner points out that they may be love-bombing you.
This is a form of manipulation that narcissists often use to make their partner "feel like they're the most special person in the world," Laura Wasser, a relationship expert and chief of divorce evolution at Divorce.com, previously explained to Best Life. "But the thing is, it's not genuine—it's just a ploy to keep their partner hooked and under their thumb."
On the other hand, when you're dating a healthy person, you'll be talking and they'll be asking questions to get to know you better, says Kastner. When the conversation is solely focused on superficialities like your appearance, you're likely out with a narcissist.
3 They're inviting you on vacation.
Kastner says the final thing to watch out for is if your date is unrealistically planning for the future, assuming that you've already made up your mind about them.
"He's inviting you on vacations six months down the road in your first week of being together," she says as an example. It might feel exciting and flattering at the moment, but it's a major red flag. "What he should be doing… is asking you for your next date," Kastner explains.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, she advises taking a step back and asking yourself whether they're putting in enough effort with the current state of your relationship or if it's all surface-level.
RELATED: I'm a Psychologist and These Are 5 Telling Signs Someone Is a Controlling Partner.
Don't assume you're immune to narcissists.
In a separate video, Kastner quickly dispels the misconception that narcissists choose "weak" people to date. "Narcissists love to choose a strong person," she says.
Someone who has a solid career, confidence, and a good support system is a likely target. "It's because it's so much more fun to take that strong person and break them down into nothingness than take someone who's already weak," she explains, cautioning people with these qualities not to think they "will not fall for this stuff."
For more relationship advice delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for our daily newsletter.
Courtney Shapiro Courtney Shapiro is an Associate Editor at Best Life. Before joining the Best Life team, she had editorial internships with BizBash and Anton Media Group.Read moreFiled UnderDating • Relationship AdviceRead This NextFamily Taking Advantage? 7 Red Flags
A relationship expert reveals the signs to look out for, just in time for the holiday season. November 3, 2023How to Spot "Beige Flags"in Your Relationship
Experts weigh in on how they differ from red, yellow, and green flags.October 30, 2023Red Flags Your Partner's Lying About Finances
If you notice these signs, they may be hiding something, relationship experts say.October 28, 2023Signs Your Partner Is Having a Work Affair
Take note of these signs in your relationship, which experts say could indicate infidelity.October 15, 2023TV Preferences Women Say Are Dating Red Flags
If a man says he loves these series, you might want to ask some follow-up questions.October 3, 20236 Cheating Red Flags to Look for in Photos
Experts say these subtle body language cues can tell you a lot about your relationship.October 1, 202310 Red Flags You're Dating a Gaslighter
Experts share the telltale signs that you're being manipulated by a partner.July 3, 202410 Signs Someone Is Emotionally Unavailable
Keep an eye out for these red flags in your relationships, whether romantic or platonic.March 18, 202410 Things Men Do When They're Not Interested
Take note of these behaviors if you're unsure where you and your new flame stand.December 21, 20233 Toxic Dating Warning Signs That Men Miss
These cues aren't easy to spot, but they can easily be dealbreakers.December 6, 2023
